I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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