Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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