Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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