508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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