New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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