so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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