i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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