Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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