you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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