umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
