I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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