i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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