Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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