my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
