You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
