I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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