The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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