Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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