ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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