fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
