watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
