It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
