What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
