I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
