i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
