Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
