we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
