how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
