'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
