I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
