OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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