hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
