heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
