You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize
