farters have to be the big spoon...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
