Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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