she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He felt like a one man threesome
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
