You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
