Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
