I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
