Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
