Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
