so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
