dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it was like eating out sand paper
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize