i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
