We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
