i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
