I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
