my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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