remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
