My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
