Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
