what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Randomize
