it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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