I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
