guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
