he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize