I wish I could teleport
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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