love makes seman taste better
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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