I just cut my nipple shaving
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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