i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This is the high leading the old right now
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
