I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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