I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize