i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
