you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
