you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
