You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
