John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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