You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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